Face the consequences

November 6, 2025

Carlos Valdez

Full-stack Developer

For years now, I've struggled with anxiety. I've been diagnosed with social anxiety disorder and separation anxiety in the past. I've been medicated with Zoloft and Effexor, and it worked for a little bit until I eventually wanted to "figure it out on my own."

I was inspired in high school by my close friend who also went to therapy. I saw her flourish into a confident diva and proof that there are brighter days. So, a few months after I moved from Calexico, I started therapy. And it took a while for me to feel like what I viewed my friend as, but that didn't really last long.

The fear of being perceived is probably my biggest hindrance today. I don't speak to people I look up to because I'm afraid I'll look silly. Frankly, I believe this came from various things, including my upbringing. Regardless, it's still my responsibility to fix that.

In high school, I wanted to start a company in the future. I'd listen in disdain as people around me would say they wanted to be an entrepreneur for the sole purpose of "being rich." I used to believe that I could start a company and be successful at it, particularly because I would be passionate about what I do. As I've grown up, I've come to face that this is much more complicated than that, and it dwindled the light for a few years. I didn't have the time, especially as a student. Still, I was ambitious and I wanted more out of my life. I didn't want a normal life.

When I got to college, I was excited to be around people who were as passionate as me in computing, but was again met with people who seem to do this for the money. At the end of the day, I came to the conclusion that this is how it's going to be -- there's never going to be a place where people will not be motivated by money. We're only human. However, there's a sharp distinction in how money motivates a person. And frankly, starting a company only to make money is pathetic in its own right. If there isn't an actual passion for your craft, or the push to want to make a better product for your customers rather than to look good for an extra buck, then you're the problem.

Now that I'm out of school, I can see clearly how my fears have affected me. For years, I felt like I couldn't actually start something because I was too busy, or didn't know enough, or it was silly, etc. There was always something that made me afraid to actually pursue my goals, simply because my thought was, "what if something bad happens?"

Something that I wish to remind myself is that, yes there are consequences for my actions. Yes, if I do something wrong, I will get in trouble. But what if what I think is wrong, is actually right? I typically think of the worst case scenario. Getting fired, my views being looked down upon, not being taken seriously, etc. So, this ends up with me doing what I believed could do no wrong: nothing. I’ll do nothing, I’ll say nothing, so that nothing bad happens. Wanna know what I found out? Doing nothing also causes bad things to happen. So, if bad consequences can reach me when I do something, and also when I do nothing, then what’s the point?

By not speaking up, I'm further putting myself in line with everybody else, knowing damn well that I shouldn't be in that line. I should be speaking, I should be expressive, and I should promote my thoughts. I constantly talk about wanting to be in the history books, wanting to have some kind of influence in the world. This kind of thing is impossible to achieve if I do nothing.

But, let’s say I do something. The amount of bad consequences I receive will surely go up, because I won’t always have the correct answer in life. I’ll probably approach things in a way that isn’t going to be accepted by some people, and quite frankly, I shouldn’t even be thinking about them if they just want to shut me down. Hear them out? Absolutely, but if all they have to say if that they don’t agree, then what’s the point? There will always be at least one person that doesn’t agree with what I do. Why should I let that person decide how my life moves? Besides, if I do nothing, I will not get any positive consequences because nothing will change. I’d stay in whatever situation I’m in, whether I’m happy or I’m not. And that’s not a life worth living.

For the last few months, I’ve been trying to get better at speaking my mind and standing up for myself. I’m slowly but surely improving, but I can tell there’s still a way to go. It's difficult to maintain hope that things get better when I'm trying to unlearn years of habits. However, I must start speaking up if I want to make an influence around me.

What inspired me to start facing consequences was the 2025 NYC mayoral election, where Zohran Mamdani won. Truly, in a world where American politics are in its most unprecedented chapters in the history books, Mamdani winning truly sparked a renewed light of hope that I haven't felt since the 2020 presidential election. I didn't expect him to win, but he did, and is now facing good consequences.

Never give up.